Santa Baby, I could use some ski lessons.
And a coat. And some pants.
OK, I'm throwing another classic Christmas consumerism song into the mix to find out the Most Frugal Christmas Song. To recap:
12 Days of Christmas $24,000
8 Days of Christmas (Destiny's Child's 2001 jam) $150,000
And now it's time for...
Santa Baby: the frugality audit
Assuming that this means a sable fur coat, not an actual sable (which is a kind of marlin and OK, I tried to find the cost to buy an actual sable for a pet, but that takes more advanced googling than I was willing to inves in this project) -- ahem, anyway. So, this fancypants website lists a number of sable items, but I assume the song is singing about this sort of sable fur stole (notice how the one I picked here has pockets, which makes it extra cool) (when the song was written I bet they were singing about the kind that still has the heads on both ends). Anyway, this pocketed classy fur stole will set you back a cool $3795.
'54 light blue Convertible
So. I couldn't find a light blue one, but this red 1954 Corvette Convertible is going for $119,900. And according to this random website, it costs anywhere from $250-$4000 to get your car repainted. Since we're asking Santa for all this anyway, why not go big guns? I'll say $4000 to get the red Corvette painted light blue.
I've been an awful good girl, with weird imperviousness to the cold and snow.
And mad skills at walking in snow in high-heeled sandals.
Luckily, this request is less specific than the car. The cheapest yacht I could find on Yacht World is this one, for $265,000. I think it may be too small to be, technically, a yacht - but come on. It's listed on Yacht World. That's good enough for Santa, and it's good enough for me.
Duplex and checks
Currently, you can get a pretty sweet duplex in Saskatoon (because I'm sure that's what Eartha's singing about above, right?) for $399,900. Not too bad, actually. And you can rent out half of it for rental property!
Boop boop be doopy doopy doop!
The deed to a platinum mine
So, this one is tricky to price. The best bet I could find was this blog which priced the song in 2010, and found the platinum mine deed to cost about $2,250,000. I have to say, this is a pretty industrious gift request - not just gold jewellery, but your own mine to make your own jewellery. Wait --
Christmas tree decorations from Tiffany's
These vary in cuteness, and also vary in price. For instance, this teddy bear is $55. While this sterling silver key is $250. To cover a tree, even a little Charlie Brown tree, you'd need at least 10 ornaments. If you buy one of each style Tiffany's is currently selling, that'll set you back $780.
Ring (not on the phone)
Santa Baby Total Cost: $3,043,384.99
... making it, by far, the most expensive Christmas carol thus far. So hurry down the chimney tonight!