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Day 358: Destiny's Child's 8 Days of Christmas: the frugality audit


- etsy.com/VintageModernAndMore

So, lots of people tally up the actual costs of the gifties given in the 12 Days of Christmas song. Like, actual banks work this shizz out (Forbes.com has a good breakdown of the costs - apparently PNC Bank has been auditing this song since the 1980s!). If you're wondering, in 2011, the cost of all the 12 Days of Christmas stuff is $24,263.18.

But has anyone before done a frugality audit for the timeless classic, 8 Days of Christmas as performed by Destiny's Child in 2001? Well, now I have!

Don't know the song? OK, well you can listen to it first, or just let it be the soundtrack as you read this cost analysis:







Day 8: Chloe shades, diamond belly ring


Chloe sunglasses : $199.00 (+ free shipping! I'm sure that's a big deal for people like Beyonce)
White Gold Diamond Belly Ring: $279.26 (wow, this takes me back to 2001 - remember when everybody was getting belly rings? Now all my friends are taking their belly rings out to have babies. Time flies!)

Day 7: Nice back rub, foot massage


Back rub: Assuming Beyonce and co. live in or around Los Angeles, they can get a massage  for just $15 (according to this website!) The level of "niceness" is not mentioned, but $15 is pretty nice in and of itself.
Foot massage: Free! Ha, this is a trick one because Beyonce says that her man gives her the foot rub. That's a sweet, free gift right there. What a sweetheart, right?

Day 6: Cropped jacket, dirty denim jeans


WORLD OF WRONG. Cropped jackets are NEVER A GOOD IDEA (despite what the costumers of Pretty Little Liars seem to think) and dirty denim jeans? Remember this was briefly a trend - jeans that *look* dirty but aren't actually? Oh, Beyonce's man. So misguided. So stuck in 2001.

Actually, this cropped jacket is kind of fab. And also $1,850. Whatevs, it's a gift. Thanks, Jay-Z!
And did you know that dirty denim is back? But it's different now, it's called raw denim. and it's quite frugal - it's like the jeans version of no-poo. People are just wearing jeans for months and months without washing them, to get that perfect lived-in look.

So, back to the song. Does this mean he gave her back a pair of her own unwashed jeans? Or did he just give her a pair of someone else's old jeans? I bet Jay-Z could pay someone to wear jeans for 6 months to give to Beyonce, so let's say Jay-Z gives you a pair of jeans that haven't been washed in 6 months? I assume that they're similar to this pair of $128 jeans and let's say he paid the jeans-wearer $25,000 to wear them for six months, for a total of $25,128.

Day 5: A poem that he wrote


OK, see, ordinarily? This would be another free gift. But this is Jay-Z we're talking about, and when he writes poems, they're called raps. And he doesn't do it for free. According to this very authoritative website, it costs between $50,000 - $1,000,000 for him to perform at a party. So let's cut the difference and call it $75,000. 

Day 4: A candlelit dinner for 2


Did you know that Beyonce and Jay-Z are totes friends with Gwyneth "GOOP" Paltrow and her husband Chris "Falsetto" Martin? So, obviously a good restaurant to go for a restaurant for 2 would be one recommended on the GOOP website. I'm going with La Scala Beverly Hills, which looks DELISH and also like you could have a nice candlelit dinner there. I picked out what I'd like to eat, and including wine and tip, it comes to about $248.

Day 3: Gift certificate to get her favourite CDs


Gift *certificate* for *CDs*? Oh, how quaint things used to be circa 2001. Let's say that he got her a $100 iTunes gift card. Thanks, Jay-Z!

Day 2: Keys to a CLK Mercedes


I'm so not a car person. But I googled this and I guess CLK is like a class of Mercedeses, or something. I mean, I'd much prefer like an electric car or a vintage Volkswagen bug or something, but I could probably exchange whatever he got for me... oh, wait. He's not buying these for me, is he. These gifts are for Beyonce.

Sigh. OK. Well, I guess they aren't making CLK Mercedeses anymore, but a CL class Mercedes starts at $135,900 (Canadian dollars).

Day 1: Quality T-I-M-E


Priceless! Also, free.

Grand Total: $238,719.26

Hmm.... so I guess the 12 Days of Christmas are, after all, more frugal. I mean, it cost more to get the dirty denim jeans than lords a'leaping, geese a'laying and everything else all put together!

Or, if you wanted to get me something? Check out my Listmas List over at Fashionable People, Questionable Things.

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