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Day 357: Other peoples' babies may be the cure for shopaholicism


Some kids are born with style, while others have style thrust upon them.
And I, Auntie Shopping Detox, won't rest until every little girl has a tutu of her own!

So... a lot of people I know have been making babies lately. And no, not the fun part - the actual "what consistency is your baby's poo? Mine looks like congealed mustard!" part. Mothering is hard, you guys (from what I can tell from late-night Facebook status updates that I see while I'm staying up late on weekends, watching DVDs of Veronica Mars while eating a tub of ice cream and painting my nails - yeah, I like my life juuust fiiiine). Anyway, my job - Honorary Auntie - is super easy and the most fun ever.

I was gift shopping for miniature people, when I realized that this is the most frugal kind of shopping. While buying a $49 furry hat with ears for myself may be seen as lighthearted hat purchasing (HATS = LIFE!), buying a $6 furry ear hat for a baby? Totally allowable! Babies keep outgrowing things, from what I understand, which means that they are in constant need of adorable outfits, which means they are the gift that keeps on giving!


Miniature Marilyn Monroes! (minus the whole drug addiction/tragic life bit) (hopefully)

It's a world of adorable pint-sized awesome outfits! Baby Ugg boots! Baby legwarmers! Baby newsboy caps! Baby sweater vests! Baby everything sold at American Apparel! Nothing costs more than like, $20! Real parents don't buy these things, but I do. 

It's like buying doll clothes for grown-ups! When I was a kid, I was (as you probably could have guessed) fairly obsessed with Barbies - specifically, dressing them up in a variety of fabulous outfits (mostly hand-made by my multitalented mother/personal seamstress). When I outgrew playing with dolls, my obsession moved to my own outfits. So buying little doll-sized outfits for babies? Is the cheaper version of buying adult-sized outfits for me.

"Hey girl. I'm just a baby in a cardigan who wants to take you out for a latte, maybe some vegan noodle bowls, and just talk about our hopes and dreams..."
So, while parents are busy with the late-night feedings and the ear infections and are too busy to really notice what onesie they're putting on their little darling, I'm the one making sure that between the plain yellow and green onesies is maybe something leopard-print, or with a picture of The Beatles on the cover, or with a skull-and-crossbones on it. I'm like the Fairy Godmother of Style.

(Plus, it's way cheaper than buying myself a skull-and-crossbones onesie, from whatever fetish store sells adult-sized onesies. Wait, don't they call adult onesies romper suits? And don't I own like four... hmm...)

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