|Like Marlene Dietrich, today I was a WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION!|
I also wore an outstanding outfit. No hat, though. Hats aren't allowed in court anymore.
So, remember awhile ago I got SUBPOENA'D? Because I called parking enforcement when somebody was parked in staff parking? And that person was contesting the ticket? Well, today was the trial.
I was kind of nervous, having never been to court before and having watched numerous reruns of Law & Order over the past few weeks. I had a panic reaction yesterday where I was like, "I NEED TO BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR COURT! THAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL CALM ME DOWN!"
Luckily, the stores were closed because I worked till 5pm, so that all worked out OK.
|The legal team from Inherit The Wind displays excellent summertime courtroom chic.|
The Shopping Detox Guide to...
1) When you first get there, it's like airport security. You have to put your bag on a thingie and walk through a metal detector thing. They don't confiscate liquids, though (although you aren't allowed to bring in food or drink).
Shopping Detox tip: don't wear a gigantic belg with a gigantic belt buckle.
This will make you beep going through the metal detector.
However, it does look cute on your outfit. So it's a judgment call, really.
2) When you walk into the courtroom, they will ask you for your name. The prosecutor will fill you in on what he's going to be asking you about. Everybody will be really nice. Shopping Detox hint: bring along photos of the crime scene, if possible. I had pictures with me of the parking lot, which the the prosecutor found helpful.
3) There will be a few cases before yours begins, so give yourself plenty of time. It's useful to watch the previous trials, to see how it all works. For instance, you get a choice to either swear on the Bible or just "affirm." "Affirm"ing means you say you swear to tell the truth, without any religion involved. Shopping Detox fun fact: they really ask if you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, like on Law & Order!
Again, this picture is inaccurate. You aren't allowed to wear hats.
4) The person you are testifying against may be dressed like "before" on What not to wear. You may feel overdressed in your The Good Wife-style outfit. But really? Wearing wornout sweatpants with visible pantyline with a stretched-out tshirt and non-brushed hair to COURT? Have you ever seen Law & Order? Or Ally McBeal? Or Street Legal? Or any courtroom scene of any movie, ever? Shopping Detox tip: if you are dressed awesome, it will make you less nervous about testifying.
5) Then everything turns into an improv-type game situation, when the prosecutor asks you to step outside of the room while the other witness (the commissionaire who wrote the ticket) takes the stand. You pace around nervously, hoping that you don't contradict what he says in his testimony. You do your best not to look into the room, lest they think you are spying on them. You congratulate yourself for wearing comfy heels, instead of the ones that pinch your toes.
Imagine you're Catherine Zeta-Jones in Chicago. Fur optional.
7) The pictures you gave the prosecutor are entered in as EVIDENCE! Just like on TV!
|Although not as dreamy as Gregory Peck, the prosecuting attorney is really quite nice.|
8) The woman contesting her parking ticket will bring pictures on her Ipad 2. If she can afford that, can't she afford a parking ticket? And a new pair of sweatpants? And a hairbrush? Shopping Detox thought of the day: People are weird.
9) The woman has the charges dismissed! Basically because the judge agreed the "Staff Parking Only" sign was not visible enough.
10) The moral of the story? Court is JUST LIKE ON TV. Also: if you get a parking ticket, take it to court and probably you won't have to pay. Like many other frugal decisions, it's just more time-consuming than just spending money.
|I bet the guys from 12 Angry Men wouldn't have dismissed the charges against her.|
Look at these guys. They are clearly serious about criminal justice, and neckties.